Nip & Tuck!

I think I need some work done
Just a little  tuck or two
So I’m off to see the surgeon
To see what he can do

They say he is quite famous
He really holds some clout
So I’ve booked up an appointment
To sort my body out

So off I went  to London
With my cheque book and perfume
I took the train, then a cab
Now I’m in the waiting room

I couldn’t keep it secret
There were people there I knew
He called me in and then he said
“What can I do for you? ”

WELL, my ears, they just stick out
And my nose is far too long,
My eyes are too close together
and my mouth is just so wrong

My legs are far too skinny
My feet are much too small
I’d like my fingers longer
And I want to be quite tall

My arms look more like chicken wings
And I need a bit more hair
My boobs are really tiny
So I’ll need a bigger pair

My knees they knock together
My bum is much too saggy
My neck looks like a road map
And my eyes are really baggy

My shoulders are too rounded
And my eyes I want them blue
They said you are the best
So thats why I’ve come to you

My tummy needs a tuck or two
And my hips look out of place
My skin could do with changing
And there’s wrinkles in my face

My elbows are so boney
And my eye brows seem to meet
This is all I need I think
And then I’ll be complete

So when can you start on me
Can you do it in a day
Money is no object
My hubby he can pay

WELL… I am quite speechless
But I’ll tell you what I think
It’s not a tuck or two you need
You really need a SHRINK !!!!!!!!

Written by Tracey Curtis