Whatever Next

Another highly amusing poem written by Marie Hindmarsh …

Whatever next!

Have you noticed as you get older that things have been rearranged?
Many things that I remember well have now all sadly changed.
Everything is twice as far and they’ve added a hill or two.
It takes me longer to walk somewhere than it ever used to do

I’m sure the stairs are so much deeper,
my knees won’t bend and I’ve become a creeper.
I set off at a steady pace to catch the bus on time
but it seems the bus has left too early, when the service was once sublime.

I’ve given up reading the paper the print is smaller than it used to be.
even if I squint my eyes the words I can hardly see.
The optician says “Cover up one eye and read from A to Zee”
But for me it’s very difficult I only manage to get to D!

No point asking people to speak up loud
when they speak in a very quiet voice.
I’m buggered if I’m getting a hearing aid,
but maybe I have no choice

Even my hair is not the same it was
once my pride and joy.
Now I have to colour it
if I want to find a toy boy.

My daughter says “Mum don’t worry,
those hairs on your chin are the same shade of grey!
I tell her “Oh thank you darling.
You’ve really made my day”

So I’m off to get a lady shave, that should do the trick,
but do I also need shaving foam all perfumed white and thick.
Why do I get these rogue course hairs that sprout out of my chin,
when the hair on my head is changing and certainly starting to thin.

Then there are the age spots that appear it seems overnight?
Some of them are a shade of brown while the others are a greyish white.
And of course there are the wrinkles and my ugly turkey neck.
I’ve spent so much money on night creams but now think what the heck!

I won’t be taking any more selfies I don’t like what I see.
When I look at my image I think to myself, oh god is that really me.
It seems that old age catches up on us all and it’s true I have to say.
After all those years of living well, now it’s time to pay,

But isn’t nature wonderful how it makes the body change?
But does anyone know of a youth pill that for me you could arrange

Written by Marie Hindmarsh    26/5/ 2014