The Map of France

This amusing poem was written by Martin Silvester … sometimes he makes us cry, however this time he will make you smile …

The Map of France

My first real date stays in my mind, from nineteen sixty one,
I took a girl to the cinema, it should have been good fun.
Blue Hawaii with Elvis, was the film, that it was showing,
And the girl I asked in the corner shop, said yes, when are we going?

Is Friday night ok with you?..I’ll call round for you at seven,
For the rest of the week, I felt really chuffed, I was in my seventh heaven.
When Friday night arrived at last..after the longest week I’d known,
My winkle pickers shone like glass, but my jeans made my mother moan.

You can’t wear jeans, when you’re on a first date, what will her parents think!
You’re taking her to the pictures, not the cafe… or a cold ice rink!
Take off that t-shirt…and those jeans…and don’t leave them on the floor!
So white shirt, jacket and my brothers grey slacks…I wore as I rushed out the door.

Now I was late, the bus took for ever, but I finally pressed her bell,
Her dad stood there, with his hands on his hips, DON’T WANT ANYTHING YOU’RE TRYING TO SELL!!
All was explained and he ushered me in, then the girl of my dreams took my hand,
Her dad stood at the door,  as we went down the path…home by ten young man…or you’re banned!!

Well he’ll  be lucky, I thought to myself, the film doesn’t end till ten,
We’ll have a good time and when we get back..I’ll worry about it then.
A ten minute walk and we stood in the foyer, she was mine till we had to go,
With trembling hand I paid our dues, found seats, in the top back row.

We sat and watched the trailer, then the newsreel on the screen,
We sat there very upright, so I thought I’d try a lean.
Casually I moved my arm, then felt our shoulders meet,
I was laying at an angle..half in, half out my seat.

Faint heart never won a war, so I stretched my arm on high,
And brought it down behind her head, if she shrugs it off…I’ll die.
So I reached to squeeze her shoulder, intent upon my wooing,
But I got a shock when the bloke on her right, said..OI MATE..WHAT YOU DOING!!

Well it all calmed down and the film came on, I said sorry to the bloke,
My date just sat and giggled, but I couldn’t see the joke.
All my dreams of cuddles, just flew right out the door,
So we sat there very upright, I was shaken to the core.

By the time the interval came round, I was in a sorry state,
Things were going, from bad to worse, on my first proper date.
So I bought us some Kia- Ora, and a tub of Walls ice cream,
Then disaster struck again for me, like any mans worst dream.

My Kia-Ora drink had sprung a leak, and dribbled in my lap,
I felt it running all around, just like a leaking tap.
Before the lights went down again, I stole a cautious glance,
The patch on my slacks, had spread right out and looked like a map of France.

At last the film had ended, it was time for us to go,
So I held my jacket in front of me, as we joined the exit flow.
Luckily, it was dark outside, although it was quite chilly,
But my jacket saved the day for me, I didn’t care if I looked silly.

It was half past ten when we got back, her dad didn’t rise from his chair,
I apologised for being late, he just said..THE DOOR IS OVER THERE!!
So my very first date was over, a nightmare instead of bliss,
And I walked away from my first date…without a single kiss.

Written by Martin Silvester